Hi!
Have you enjoyed my latest post where I attempted to apply basic LLM concepts to summarize, paraphrase and translate a block of text?
See LLM Project 1: Translating, Summarizing, and Paraphrasing (using T5)
I'm going on a summer break soon so I thought I'd take a bit of a break from coding and generative AI and focus on a topic related to neurodiversity! This time, I'm going to share my thoughts on my personal experience going back and forth wondering whether I'd be... disabled enough to call myself disabled? If you're interested in the discussion about whether autism is a disability check out a previous post: Is autism a disability?
I was inspired by a YouTube video by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (Am I disabled enough ft. Hannah Witton) and their experiences with that same dilemma. It seems that it's a very common sentiment and I've also met people in my own life that share that same feeling about themselves.
When it comes to myself... I feel conflicted. Mainly because on one hand I am able to live an independent life for the most part. I live on my own while renting my own property, have a full-time job, and I do have close friends and family. In my every day life, I don't particularly feel like there's a noticeable difference between my life and other presumably neurotypical and/or able-bodied acquaintances.
However recently I took an exam that affects my future career prospects. Back when I was in the middle of booking this exam, I was going through the website for information about accessing reasonable accommodations... and they didn't offer the exact accommodation that I needed which was extra time in exams. When I was first diagnosed as having specific learning difficulties, the psychologist stated that extra time WILL BE REQUIRED in any written exams so the exam provider strictly prohibiting the request of extra time in exams... made me nervous. 😰 (If you want to read more about specific learning difficulties, check out: Unravelling the mystery of specific learning difficulties) Still me passing this exam is a requirement for future promotions, so I scrolled through any other accommodations that the exam provider offered and decided to request the use of ear defenders during the exam so I won't get distracted with people going in and out of the exam room (I suppose this is an example of auditory processing difficulties). In the end I did manage to book the exam with the use of ear defenders approved and thankfully the exam venue was close to where I live (unfortuately not all exam venues allow the use of ear defenders even if the exam provider approves of it). I also managed to pass this exam and got a bit of a celebratory allowance from the company I work at, so all's well that ends well!
While I do have to take exams occassionally, it's not nearly as an all-encompassing existance as it used to be compared to my student years. However I do still experience struggles with specific activities of daily living, most notably shopping, holding a conversation in public spaces (especially with multiple people or in loud spaces), and not being good at consistently make and maintain relationships. Shopping is diffcult due to an uncomfortable sensory experience that can lead me to have meltdowns (or more accurately shutdowns) if I don't take frequent breaks in between shops. I struggle to follow a conversation with multiple people since I lose track of the topic, and zone out in the middle of long conversations. I just sort nod along and respond as little as possible, engaging in my surroundings (or food if it's during a meal) instead. When it comes to relationships, I do have people I'm close with but most of my friends and family live far away and consistently being active on social media has never been my strong suit so I need to have a rigid schedule to keep in touch with them and if it doesn't work, I'll just lose touch.
The above instances reminded me that the world is not very accessible and that there is definitely a component of our temperament relative to the rest of society disabling us regardless of whether the condition itself is life-threatening. It could also be noted that anyone that doesn't identify or suspect themselves as having a disability would rarely, if ever, even think about what can be considered a lack of consideration.
I remember a conversation I had regarding neurodiversity (although I didn't "come out" at this point) and someone mentioned that they could be neurodivergent but is afraid to be looked down on because of it. As a response, another person said "it's fine to be a bit quirky if you're not a bother to anyone." This phrase may have been meant as a reassurance but I personally found it an ableist and honestly offensive response. Sure I don't recommend intentionally going out of your way to bother other people but the fact that this person said being a bother to other people is the line between a "quirk" and a disability bothered me. Surely the line would be whether the person is living a reasonably healthy life, or at least can have opportunities for a good quality of life? This phrase made me realize the repercussions of an ableist society that 1) judges disabled people by how "able" they appear 2) whether they are a burden on the people around them (and perhaps society as a whole) without considering the wellbeing of disabled people themselves as if they are not a part of the larger human society. This also disturbed me since disabled people can be considered the largest minority community that ANYONE can be a part of at any given time so discussions about accessibility benefit EVERYONE not just people who are currently disabled.
Me reflecting on this conversation and thinking about how ableism seeps into the average person reminded me that I'm very much part of the disabled community since anyone that has never considered the possibility of being disabled themselves probably wouldn't even think of this.
Even after all this I still go back and forth in my identity as being disabled because... I can still more-or-less... function without much support, but the fact I still need what's considered to be "special" support in certain situations... means I'm disabled?
How did you all feel about this post? It may have been a bit ramblier than usual but I hope it gives an additional perspective about the question "Am I disabled enough?" Please, comment down below because I would love to read your thoughts!
